I recently experienced again how the lack of trust in a relationship can be damaging.... Luckily it is not my own relationship but people close and dear to me.
I believe that one can learn from other people's experiences and situations. So I've been going through the motions with this couple but also realised how important it is for each party to do their absolute best to let the other party know that they are sincere in asking for forgiveness when at fault and to really work hard on building that trust again.
In this specific situation I've been with when the guilty party asked for forgiveness. The other accepted but just the next day made sarcastic remarks about the situation as if the situation has never been addressed. This made me wonder about so many things and took me back to my own situations of a few years ago.
My spouse had commitment issues before which caused us to split when I was 5 months pregnant with our 2nd child (we were not married at the time). He then; 3 months after the split, got another girlfriend and within a few months he was very sure of the fact that they'll be married within a year or 2. And I just could not accept that fact... Kept contacting him to make sure he stays a part of my life and that he will not neglect our kids. I just could not accept that we are blessed with 2 beautiful sons and that he was not interested in being part of our lives. I loved him through all the hardship but after more than a year I had to make the decision whether or not I'm going to continue on this part of heartache where I hoped he will be back or live my life to the full and rather concentrate on the children and our happiness.
Then I decided that the crying of more than a year only made me sick while his life went on and he was enjoying it to the fullest. So I started having my own fun and could also give my children more love and affection.
It took another year for this man I loved with all my heart to realise he's missing out on so much. And slowly but surely he made his way back to my life. I'm saying my life because I knew that if WE could not be happy together, we will only be harming our children. If we could not work things out and be able to forgive and trust each other again, our children will surely not be happy.
Many people believed that I was making a mistake to allow him back in my life. But the love that never died in my heart for this man, kept me from running away as many advised.
I realised that I am the biggest sinner I know and I pray for forgiveness every single day. And the Lord kept blessing me in so many ways which showed me that I'm being forgiven for all my sins / wrongdoings. So how can I not be able to forgive another? If that person comes to me asking for forgiveness in all earnest and show ME that he regrets what he did to me; how can I still keep it against him?
After the forgiveness (from both sides as I also did things that made him unhappy), we had to start working on trusting each other again...
I kept wondering whether the woman he had in his life is still in contact with him; whether he still thinks of her and if so, what was going on in his mind. But the realisation came.... he was with me not her. His cellular phone was no longer off-limits (my condition) so I could check if I ever felt unsure about him having contact. We worked hard on making things work out and he finally made the decision to commit and I could really believe him when he said he loved me.
When we forgive, it has to be whole-heartedly. We cannot refer to the past in every conversation as we will never get pass that hurdle. If you keep the past alive; it will stay alive in your heart. We are being taught to forgive and forget but the mind of the human does not work like that. We might not be able to forget but we'll have to occupy our minds with OTHER thoughts and we need to stay positive.
This will, however, only be possible if the other party does his / her best to confirm they are worthy of that trust and forgiveness.
COMMUNICATION - the most important key to achieving all of the above. One cannot guess how the other is feeling or how the other will react in a certain situation. There must be constant communication and HONESTY.
I wish that we can all realise that we cannot walk around with grudges. Life and the time we have to spend with loved ones are too precious to let it go to waste with holding on to grudges and hatred.
If one cannot forgive, communicate, trust and be open and honest; walk away from that relationship/person to free yourself. Don't make others miserable because you refuse to be happy!
And the one who knows he/she cannot be faithful, honest and trustworthy in a relationship - do not commit yourself to a person. That is destructive and will cause unnecessary unhappiness.
Life is worth living......... make every moment count!
Luvies
Shalla
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