My fears as a mother... especially when raising a daughter (Part 1)

I never thought myself to be a “girly-mommy”, so I was actually scared when I found out with my last pregnancy that I’ll be giving birth to a girl… All the fears I harbored for years, came tumbling down on me… the paranoia of what could happen to children and how bad this world we’re living in became – especially with South Africa’s high crime rate.

I was wondering if I will be able to give her enough advice to carry her through difficult situations and just life in general. I know I cannot live her life for her but I wanted to be able to equip her with enough knowledge to help her when I’m not around.

Lately I “fear” that I might not live long enough to teach her all the things I should or want to.

So this is for all the mothers with the same fears and all the young girls who can learn a little from what I experienced in life. I can mostly talk about or refer to my own experiences but I also learned enough from others to be able to give some advice that might come in handy.

With every passing day, I realize the importance of couples getting to know each other while dating… trying to do that after you tied the knot, could lead to quite a few surprises and not all very pleasant…

I realize there are those who feel that you ONLY REALLY get to know your partner AFTER you get married and in some instances that is true as your perceptions do change…. But that is the same for growing older and (hopefully) wiser. Your views of certain things change.

A teacher in high school once spoke to us about a few things in a PT class - sorry I can really not remember her name/surname but the message she conveyed that specific day came to mind so many times over the years that it feels like just the other day she said it. I would like to share those words with you and add some of my own thoughts to it.

She told us that as girls, you are warned by your parents, grannies, aunts and teachers from a very young age to be careful when we get into relationships with boys and of all the dangers lurking. How we should avoid falling pregnant and what a disappointment it is when you do get pregnant before you are married. How ashamed your parents will be and how differently you will be looked at by others… and that you might even be regarded as a slut.

She went on to say that we need to remember that the kissing and fondling a boy and girl get into are what grownups regard as foreplay; the prelude to sex. As teenagers the hormones are raging. You start to feel things that you never felt before although you might have seen sexual acts on the television in soapies and movies. You read about these acts in books and you see animals mating. You obviously get curious about the changes in your body and what you see; and you want to explore these new things and feelings.

At a certain point the boy will not be able to control the urges that should follow naturally (as an adult), but for the girl, the warning bells (might) go off and you remember all that has been said about falling pregnant, sexually transmitted diseases etc. and you want to stop. The boy, however, experience this totally differently and for him there is just no turning point. This is probably true for the not-so-experienced-teenage boys but we know that girls many times are approached and intrigued by guys a bit older and mature.

Her advice at the time was to rather know when to stop. Do not put yourself in a position where things can get out of hand and you are forced to do things you never intended to.

The other thing she spoke to us about was the relationship between a man and a woman; the getting to know each other part.

We were reminded that a couple are two people coming out of different households with different values and upbringings. Two people who do not see things the same way, who do not react to things the same way and who have different ideas of raising a child, what marriage is supposed to be like and who has different backgrounds. Often they do not even share the same faith and believes.

So you need to be considerate and willing to accommodate each other and make certain sacrifices.

For now I will stop here. More will follow shortly!

Luvies

Shalla
Ps... Remember; this is only from MY point of view...